Just announcing for purposes of pressure on ME, that I'm going to a fitness trainer's boot camp after the holidays. Her name is Mandy Blank and she has quite a following. She's on the cover of a lot of fitness magazines. We met in 2003 in an intense acting class, and I have to say, she's as beautiful inside as she is outside. Very easy to love and yet, damn, she's scary strong! I'm not positive I could beat her up if I had to, and indeed, I think not. I definitely want her on my side in a dark alley. So, assuming she doesn't kill me, I'm looking forward to getting in seriously good shape. (Hey, I was in the Army so I know it's possible as it has happened before). I think it's attainable. And it probably isn't as risky as skydiving was. (Actually, I'm not at all sure that's true or accurate.)
I recall the Army "Fun Runs" in San Antonio. That has to be the most fraudulent term ever used in the military. I got up at 4 am, (LOVELY) in the dark, and dressed in the Army PT outfit--sweats without rank. That matters-- b/c a bunch of GI's were yelling at me and calling me names and I KNOW I outranked them...just couldn't prove it. Plus no one told me how far we'd already run or how far we were going. I was coughing so much it was hard to identify the soldiers I wanted to later prosecute for endangering me. I was too dizzy and nauseous. And I also noted I was the only lawyer at this fun run. It was not a fun run.
Later in another office, I told my new NCO that without his help I might not pass my physical test and that it was his job for me to pass. Well, he and the rest of the office, (all younger men, and that has pros and cons, trust me) began pretty gently with me. I was their boss after all. But my Sergeant began pushing me enough that in 4 weeks the test came, and I did better than pass. Plus, I had started to...dare I say it...like exercise. I know, it's crazy. But I did. I'd lost weight in that 4 weeks without dieting, I was just doing the exercises. And in time, I began running on my own and getting into the whole "lowering" body fat thing, and taking good care of my body. I went down 3 sizes. This was after the birth of my 2nd child and after passing the age of 30. It was the best shape I was ever in and my body fat was lower than a 22 year old NCO in the office. He denied this so we repeated it. I told him he still had "baby fat" but he was not amused. Well, though I might not get to that stage again, well I just may.
I have to admit, this body does seem to betray me lately. My prescription glasses seem weaker lately and surely that's not MY fault. Got to be a design defect. Also, what's with having to fight wrinkles and acne at the same time? Seems unfair. Plus the smallest "dive for a ball" on the softball field, makes for a "Motrin Night"...WTH? I used to play double headers and then go swimming, and was not "sore" from walking a hyper dog as I often am now. As for weight gain, I eat healthy. My vegan friends would be proud of my multi-grains...(not so much the meat though, but I am getting better about grains...). Used to be that if I dieted strictly, I lost weight. Pure and simple. Now I have to diet strictly, and exercise strictly, and that means exercising right up to the point of getting hurt and then stopping, and then over a few weeks, I'll find I have not gained. It's as if all I can do is slow the momentum of the growth in girth.
The odds/years are adding up against me. Screw this. I will not surrender! For God's sake, this is California and I live near Hollywood. I'm 50 years old! In Hollywood terms, that's "late 30's" so I better start looking like it.
I'll keep you posted! I think I'll tell Mandy that I have a war injury and some weird condition so she takes it easy on me.
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You could definitely beat her up. Just do it the minute you meet her, when she least suspects, as you are reaching out to shake her hand.
ReplyDeleteMy eye doc finally gave me a true prescription for my distance issues. She had been holding back because of the reading thing, but I drive too much in the dark and I begged. Now I cannot screen my calls because I cannot read my cell phone.
I cannot read fine print and surely this means I will be sued for something I signed unwittingly.
My right shoulder is bothering me and so is my left ankle. I did not fall or trip. I am turning 50 in 6 weeks.
Tomorrow I am going to the gym, I swear.
Happy New Year, Jeannine...!
Go, girl.
well I almost pulled my shoulder out reaching for toilet paper (I guess BECAUSE I turned 50...) God only knows what Jon thought when he passed by the bathroom, as I was groaning with pain from the shoulder strain...I think he said, "jeannine, I told you to eat more fiber...sheesh!"
ReplyDeleteAlso, I ran up a steep but short hill after my dog, who was in heat-and whorishly chased a mongrol of sorts. (AND AFTER we picked a nice purebred dog from a good line...)
Thought the only reason she'd live was b/c I was going to have a heart attack. Am trusting that Mandy Blank the trainer will be nice to me but PHYSICALLY hey, I know her. Sorry but she can DEFINITELY KICK MY ASS in two minutes. No question. (Although I might fight dirtier?? There's always that hope. Yeah, I'll bring a Samarai sword and my bazooka...that'll show her who's boss).
When we did scenes together in Acting class, I often played her older sister or mother, so I'm hoping residual good feelings will take over in her. SHE looks great, like a porn star but not vulgar...I'm not saying I want that -but I do want the crepe paper on the under arms to be held at bay, and to be able to be active like we all thought we would be. I skydived and it was a blast. But I could tell there were parts of it, steering for instance, that took arm strength and I relied on my residual abilty for that...yeah, bad idea...I was sore the next day...but happy!
Have you heard of the TRI focals for eyes? yeah, one comic said, "HEY Is that a plane/a bird/an amoeba?" I can barely do the bifocals but must -and you do get used to them. If I had to pick I'd take the drivers script as you did, and buy a magnifying glass and tell your kids to stay away from splinters and pay someone to pluck your eyebrows..problem solved....
AS for fine print, you've got me thinking Ellen....how about a class action suit against "those bastards" who DELIBERATELY try to defraud us with their nano sized fonts that are only successfully read by NASA's electron microscopes? Let me ponder some more and get back to you. IN the meantime, come up with an injury that costs a lot to fix--or is simply disfiguring, but isn't actually --you know, a big deal. Like lose your pinky toe!!. No one uses theirs that much, and shoes fit better -BUT don't tell anyone all the pros...when you sue, it's best to stay negative...I just don't know how to relate the nano sized font to your toe...no matter, we'll get a JURY who will see the connection!
Jeannine
Did another workout with Mandy Blank, and felt the "Blank Burn" she's so proud of....damn, it DOES burn...Anyhow, I brought my 20 y/o daughter with me. At first I felt competitive but happy that my young little "BFF" daughter was there. And I felt pretty dang good that I more than kept up with her. So that's cool. But the AGE FACTOR came up twice.
ReplyDeleteWhile doing some "crazy ass" lunges (I have not stretched that way since my last child was born...ouch), I did feel an unpleasant pulling in my "pleasure centers", areas from which I only want good sensations...AND then later on. Yes, LATER ON - is when I remembered, "oh yeah, I'm not young anymore".
That night my daughter said she was a little sore. I was "VERY SORE" and needed some serious Motrin, Tylenol, (and whatever is left over from getting a tooth pulled, would have been really good too.)
But I'm going back for more of the "Blank Burn". I can already feel muscles that have not completely atrophied, returning! And some of the "coating" (aka, FAT) around those muscles is sliding off. So that's very cool. Keeping up with my 20 y/o is also very empowering. (I need to know I can still whip her if I need to). In all likelihood, I won't be able to do that more than a few more years, so I'll savor it while I can.
My brother, who will be 50 this year, had a rude awakening during his self-confessed mid-life crisis. He bought a sports car... and found that his shoulder hurts too much to use the stick shift. Definitely not part of the fantasy! He is going to have to sell it. I felt so bad for him, after I stopped laughing so hard. I think I pulled something!!
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